Non-Verbal Communication from Anthony Esteves on Vimeo.
As SXSWi, clicks, whirs, and chirps its way to a halt, interactive bloghounds are broadcasting their lessons from the maelstrom. One such lesson that keeps popping like a balloon is “listening.”
Instead of telling you that you should be, would be, could be listening. I thought I’d drop a little how-to bomb on you. Following a few of these tips will help you with the engagement you crave.
1) Concentrate on the speaker
Active listening requires that you focus wholely on the other person. Believe it or not, we are composed of more than 140 characters and 300 word thoughticles. Pay attention to facial expressions, hand movements, body positioning. Non verbal cues contradict, repeat and even substitute words that we’re saying with our mouths. If you’re not watching someone’s body, you’re missing out on a good piece of the dialogue.
2) Give encouragement
One way to let someone know that you’re listening is to give him/her verbal and non-verbal encouragement. This can be as simple as nodding your head or even (yes) making eye contact. Verbally, try saying “Tell me more about that,” or maybe ask “How did that make you feel?”
This is also called reflecting. When you do these things, you’re really saying, ” I heard you. What you said was important and I want you to continue.”
3) Take notes
Have you ever sat down with some one and taken out a notebook? Their whole demeanor changes. All of a sudden what they have to say is important. Yes, you care enough to write this down. Give that as a gift.
We chuckle at the knuckle-dragger with the yellow pad, but my guess is, he’s going to have better retention than someone frantically punching a flat screen. There’s a visceral, tactile experience in picking up a pen and scratching out a few drawings or mindmaps that you just can’t get on a phone.
4) Know when to add something
This is the hardest part. Know when to add and build upon what your partner has to say. This is more than just waiting for a breath so you can interject your two-bits. If you’ve been paying attention you’ll notice when you can say, ” I agree, and…” or “I disagree, because…”
These little turns of phrase further the dialogue rather than stopping it short with a non-sequitor or topper “That’s okay. I just broke my toe on a beer bottle.”
5) More resources.
I did study communication up through grad school, but I’m no expert. Here are a few resources that you might check out.
